As another year flies by, we have seen a change of government on both sides of the Atlantic, race riots and a distressingly “ambient” genocide. At this reflective time of year, here is an inexhaustive list of awards for the people in public life who have distinguished themselves in their service to the greater good.

Statesman of the Year.

One politician has done more than any other to personify the moral vacuum that the west has arrived at. Step forward foreign secretary David Lammy. One minute he’s in the UN heaping shame upon Russia for its many crimes, the next he’s equivocating over Israel’s genocide in Gaza, then he’s throwing his Kurdish friends under the bus so as not to upset our Turkish allies. Following his progress is a political education, albeit quite a depressing one. A worthy winner.

Award for Anti-Fascist Heroism.

October saw far-right attention seeker Tommy Robinson take to the streets once again. His demonstration coincided with a strike at the Science Museum over stagnating pay. Workers planned to picket the museum and then head over to the anti-fascist mobilisation against Robinson, with the United Voices of the World (UVW) trade union calling for unity against “bosses and the far-right”.

The museum’s director of people and culture, Sarita Godber, praised the anti-fascist mobilisation against Robinson in an email, saying it is “representative of the unity shown by communities across the country against the disgusting far-right riots earlier this summer”, before adding that the museum had written to the police about the striking workers’ picket “given the potential safety considerations.” No Pasaran!

Undefeated Award.

The prize for the Undefeated goes to Liz Truss for becoming the first former prime minister since 1935 to lose her seat at an election, banjaxing a majority of 26,000. Coming late on election night, it was an iconic moment. Arriving at the count seconds before the result was announced and departing shortly afterwards, she stuck around for nearly as long as she was in charge of the country.

Despite this epic humiliation, she has carried bravely on, trying to flog her book Ten Years to Save the West, proving that if you ignore the haters (or the electorate), you can keep winning no matter what.

Sour Grapes Award.

After being soundly beaten by Jeremy Corbyn in the election for Islington North, heir-to-Blair style Labour candidate and health privateer Praful Nargund retreated to his family home to lick his wounds. While he had ducked local hustings and media interviews during the campaign, he re-emerged in December in a cozy interview with the i newspaper, complaining that he had been a victim of non-specific “disinformation” and saying that it is “deeply untrue” that his IVF business is “exploitative”.

Once again however, Nargund comes a distant second, as the award for Sour Grapes must surely go to Jonathan Ashworth. Ashworth, a former Starmerite grandee, was beaten in Leicester South by independent pro-Palestine candidate Shockat Adam. Rather than accepting the result with good grace, he went on a media round of resentment and blamed the Muslim Vote campaign for his defeat.

The campaign said; “Since Jonathan Ashworth and other defeated Labour candidates started briefing the media … the level of Islamophobic hate directed at us has increased significantly.” And as revealed by Novara Media, Ashworth had to apologise to a party colleague who had praised Adams’ campaign, having left him “distressed and alarmed”. Classy.

Fuck Around and Find Out Award.

As the country looked on in horror as riots engulfed the country in the summer, a brief moment of catharsis came in the form of a man getting hit in the balls by a flying brick. Brian Spencer was standing in front of a line of riot police goading them during the Southport riot, when a flying brick thrown by a rioter hit him in the back of the head. Staggering back towards the crowd, a second brick connected with his crotch. He has now been jailed for two years and six months for violent disorder. For his truly Oscar-worthy performance, Spencer is a clear winner in this category.

Fence-Sitter of the Year.

In June, the Francis Crick Institute, a prestigious biomedical research centre in London, went into meltdown over an “alleged peaceful bakesale” for Gaza. The sale, in which cakes were sold to raise money for Medical Aid for Palestinians, apparently made some staff feel “unsafe”.

Paul Nurse, director of the Crick, responded by shutting a second bake sale down and asking staff to “reduce the temperature of discourse” around Gaza. Awkwardly, Nurse is not the man to tell people not to take sides. He had been a consistent and noisy critic of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, warning countries that had not taken a side in the conflict to “get off the fence” lest they “taint your own reputation”.

John Curtis Award for Electoral Genius.

In May, far-right political party Homeland hailed its “remarkable achievement” in the local elections. A seemingly AI-generated statement on its website said: “We are thrilled with our efforts … This is a remarkable achievement … it is highly inspiring for all of us to see that we can push our message positively throughout our communities.”

Its candidate, Roger Robertson, came third and halved his vote share from the last election.

Corporate Hubris Award.

In a year that started with the Post-Office scandal finally receiving the attention it deserved, there was no shortage of questionable behaviour from the corporate world.

Taking the cake, and the mickey, was surely Avanti West Coast, the notoriously bad train operator, which circulated a slide show to its executive team which joked about the “free money” it was getting for providing a rubbish service. “Sounds too good to be true?! Well on this occasion – it isn’t – it’s the absolute truth!” one slide read. The operator responded to this revelation by launching a “vendetta” against staff and trying to find the source of the leak.

Honourable mention: VetPartners, a private equity firm which responded to strikes at some veterinary surgeries it owned by simply closing them down.

Award for Defending Democracy.

Take a bow John Woodcock, the unelected Lord who has spent the year attacking the right to protest in the name of defending liberal democracy. Not only have questions over his potential conflicts of interest dogged him all year, he also has a habit of saying things that are simply not credible.

A highlight must surely be including a satirical poster in a dossier exposed by Novara Media purporting to show that there had been a “concerted campaign by extremists” to undermine the election.

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